To hold your iPad like a hipster* you will need the following:

• Fingerless Gloves
• Greasy Hair

Once you’ve amassed the items listed above, hold your iPad outstretched, Apple logo facing oncoming traffic, sigh and exclaim “God, I wish they’d make an iPad native Instagram app, already.” See below for diagram:

*Shockingly, “hipster” is recognized by my browser’s spell check. 

You know the woman with the Coach purse has a pair of wire cutters in there.

Since your iPhone has a hands free set up, there’s no reason why you can’t use your iPad while driving.

Watching someone buy an iPad 2 is like watching a live action Oprah’s “favorite things” episode. 

And the world is your Wheel of Fortune.

Much like traditional physical books, people will buy e-books they’re never going to read.

…But they’ll be sure to pull one out to show you how vivid the illustrations are on their iPad.

As cool as you look, Steve Jobs looks cooler.

This isn’t for beginners.

Because you don’t need both opposable thumbs as much as you need your iPad.